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TheRivendells
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Name: Christa
Country: United Kingdom
Metro: London
Gender: Female
Interests: understanding who i am...regardless of how i look...what i do...what i wear...who i know...who knows me...who loves me....how i FEEL....what i see....
Expertise: women's ministry...loving people....wanting to see people know the truth about who they are....wanting to be so full of the love of god, that the overflow spills over onto everyone and everything....
Occupation: Artist
Industry: Art
Message: message me
AIM:  yellowsparkler13
Member Since:
3/15/2005
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| my beautiful friends....
so much is happening...so much has happened. sometimes, i just need breaks...breaks from the norm...which is why i haven't been writing. i don't want to write just to write...i want to write out of revelation. the lord's been taking me through a sponge phase...where he has me soaking up and not pouring out so much. it's been good....and i'm getting waterlogged with fresh anointing......
as most of you know....i'm dating someone. now, this isn't a common occurance for me. touring the world and holding down a relationship doesn't necessarily come easy...and with me being in the same place for 4 months...it's given me time to actually get to know someone. and it's amazing...how you think you have most of your junk dealt with until someone else comes into the picture and stuff starts coming out of you that you have NO idea where it came from. i'm battling insecurities...fears of rejection and someone getting too close to see my pain...fear of someone seeing ALL of me...and not liking what they see...judgement...a critical spirit...my heart's getting cut open to reveal a girl who has a few more pretty big issues to work on. that happens when someone starts to get close...and your life all of a sudden isn't all about you.
it should never be all about you...but sometimes...even as christians...it's easy to live in that place.
so here we have it, folks. here's my big revelation for the past couple of weeks......i......need.....to......be.......................cool.
that's right...i said it. my entire life...i've wanted...longed for...fought for....the cool seat. i was at a deficit in the early years...not so pretty as all the other girls...not as rich...didn't have the cool clothes or the cool things....so i had to fight for it. i had to be the best...the funniest...the most talented. i was mean to those who were defenseless in order to make the cool kids think i was better than i felt. i fought...and i slaved...and i worked....to be amongst the pretty...the cool...the popular....
and it defined me. if i wasn't accepted as the best...i felt horrible about myself. and if i was....it was short lived...because there were always new mountains to climb...new people to be around...or to step on to get to the top.
it's funny, because even as a christian...i've battled it. people look at me and say, 'oh, she's so cool...she does this and this....she wears this and this...she sings....she spins on her head....wow...how cool.......' and i've been defined by it. in fact....i've felt a pressure to uphold something for all of you....for everyone....to make sure i don't let you down in the 'cool' department.
so the other day....i was sitting with jesus...just talking with him about it all...asking him where i got this from and why it was there....and he said, 'christa....where does it talk about being 'cool' in the bible?' i said....'wow, jesus....no where.' he said, 'christa...where does it talk about character in the bible...and wisdom....and love....and godliness....and freedom....and kindness....' and the list goes on and on and on.
the skies cracked and i felt amazing and like a total idiot at the same time (but only for a few minutes, until the lord kindly reminded me that there is NO condemnation for those in christ...and it's his KINDNESS...and not his judgement, that leads me to repentance.)
i realized....sadly, that my entire life, i've been living with 'cool' goggles...even in the church...trying to be cool enough for the world...for the lost...for christians...for everyone to think i was good enough. there is NO DEFINITION OF COOL IN THE BIBLE! NONE! there is NO MEASURING STICK! in fact...it says....'judge not, or you will be judged!' and when you're constantly trying to win the affections of people based upon your performance or clothes or pictures or myspace or xanga or WHATEVER...it means, you have a measuring stick on yourself...and on OTHERS...on the basis of what? the ways of this world? the magazines? the tv shows?
do i think what i have on is good enough because of what i've seen on tv....? i mean....i've never even though of that before...that it's WORLDLY thinking! how many times have i looked in the mirror and gone...'no, not good enough....needs to be more...' based on what the WORLD has taught me to think is COOL! BUT THERE'S NO DEFINITION OF COOL IN THE BIBLE!
you know what is cool though? you know what is so much cooler than a great new gucci handbag....(which, by the way....i'm NOT saying is wrong...i'll keep buying them because i love them....BUT...I CAN'T BE DEFINED BY THEM...).....MUCH MUCH cooler.....is a woman...walking in...
confidence......
freedom......
joy............
kindness.............
prosperity.........
rest................
peace...............
love..........................
the holy spirit said, 'christa...i don't need another pretty girl. i don't need another stylish girl. i don't need another girl who knows how to say all the right things at parties..........i need a woman...a beacon...a light.....to walk in the ULTIMATE cool......to walk in the things of my spirit that the world is LONGING for. ' IN FACT....most of the time....my attempts to be accepted or live up to a worldly standard were just because i was LACKING those things....confidence...peace...joy...love. they were attempts to try and make MYSELF feel good about what? myself.
ladies...let's BREAK OUT of the ways and patterns of this world. what the world needs...more than for you to be in the cool crowd, accepted because of what clothes you wear or how you look or how much money you have.....is for you to be the WALKING, living, BREATHING example of a god that DEFIES the pain, hurt and hopelessness of women!!!!!!!
if you've struggled like this...like i have....ask god, who is GRACIOUS to forgive....to CLEANSE YOU from this.....to reveal the TRUTH to your heart....about how much you're already loved....about how he sings over you...and longs for you to crawl up in his lap....and dance before him.....and live as the living proof of a god who heals, delivers, restores....and loves.....
you are all greatly loved......
xoxo, christa | | |
| so here i am....london life more than i could have ever asked for....right smack dab in the middle of god's will. i'm learning how to love...how to be loved...how to ask for help...how to be vulnerable...how to live in peace....no matter what i see.
today...on my starbucks visit...with my laptop in hand, i began something.
i began my book.
i started the prologue...just the beginning, of course, and i wanted to share it with you all. you're the reason i'm doing this...all of you. your hearts and feedback and dedication and love. you are the reason why i want to grow and learn and be transparents. every single one of you.....
so this book, dear beauties, will be dedicated to you............
PROLOGUE:
"I hate myself.
Oh, you wouldn’t know it to look at me. Behind the mascara…the designer handbag…the fearless exterior and the constant success…it’s just never enough for peace. There’s always more that needs to be done…fixed…altered…lost…or gained. The mirror has been my worst enemy…yet I find myself mesmerized by the imperfection of my reflection, always going back for another peek hoping something might have changed since the last glance.
How did I get this way, you ask? Maybe I could ask you the same thing. How did women get to this state, might be the more appropriate question. i can count the number of women I’ve met in my lifetime who are truly comfortable in their own skin. A woman at peace…peace with herself, her beauty, her imperfections, her present is very, very rare. There’s always so much to change…or become…rules and lists and endless guidelines. Expectations to rise to--molds (and jeans) to squeeze into.
How could I ever expect to change my future without dealing with my past? How could I ever expect my outcome to change without my heart being healed? A wise man once said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. I’ve heard the voices of insanity for long enough…and I know it’s time for a change…
This book is that venture. I know the condition of women…the condition of their heart. I’ve lived with it every day of my life. Most of us feel the same way, yet we’re somehow deceived into believing we’re the only one in the world to feel the way we do. Lonely, unworthy, inadequate…hiding the pain with make-up, shopping sprees and secret closets padlocked with fear and shame. My hearts passion is to see women free…free from the lies…from the self-hatred…from the addictions…from the darkness.
It’s not how we were created to live, and yet we’ve functioned with it for far too long. We’ve coped and managed and adjusted to live with our wounded hearts…and we’ve done an ok job. But I’m not satisfied with just ok anymore…..
for me….
or for you…..
so expect me to be frank. Expect me to be honest about things that might be uncomfortable to talk about or to hear. But somebody’s got to talk about them for things to change. I don’t care what you think about me as long as someone’s life is changed by me being transparent…and that’s all I’m concerned about.
‘to think own self be true.’ So here I go….finally….
I’m ready to tell the truth."
much more to come....
xoxo, christa
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"The Lord says there is nothing you can do that would make Him love you more. There is also nothing you can do to make Him love you less. He loves you because He loves you, because He loves you, because He loves you, because He loves you, because that is what He is like. It is His nature to love, and you will always be the Beloved. 'I love you as you are, so be loved. You are the Beloved. It is your job,' says the Lord, 'to be loved outrageously. It is why I chose you. That is why I set my love upon you, that you would live as one who is outrageously loved, that you would receive a radical love, so radical that it will blow all your paradigms of what you think love is. And know this,' says the Lord, 'I will love you outrageously all the days of your life because I don't know how to be any different. This is who I am, and this is who I will always be. This is the I Am I promised you. I am He that loves you outrageously.'" - Graham Cooke, "The Awakening 2005"
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| i need to tell you all a story...
so i went back to nashville to record on a live album...and ended up taking 4 of my london friends back with me. they came to my church in nashville (www.gracecenterfranklin.org) and their lives, and london, will never be the same.
they got healed up...soaked up...prophesied over....snapped...curses broken off...delivered....you name it...they got it. after one service, three of them were covered in head to toe gold dust...their clothes and faces and hands shimmering in the light.
so the last night they were here...four of us had stayed up until about 2 am talking about how excited we were about the future...and all god had done in us and for us during the week. so we all go into our bedrooms...and through the wall, my friend kristy and i hear, 'giiiiiiiirls.....giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrllllss.....THERE'S AN ANGEL IN HERE!!!!' so kristy and i JUMP out of bed...hearts pounding...knowing it's amazing and scary that we're about to run into a room with an angel....and as we ran into the pitch black room and jumped onto the bed with our friend simone, we turned around to see the most glorious sight...
there in the corner...by the door we had just passed through...was the most beautiful angel.
it looked like a smokey haze...wings huge and tall...waist and robe cascading to the floor. you couldn't see the face...but you could see the outline of his body perfectly in the smoke. our hearts were POUNDING...we sat there in astonishment, not knowing what to do...we praised jesus...we stared in amazement...we fought fear! so finally...when it didn't say anything...we decided we had to go get ann, the lady of the house. so simone had to WALK THROUGH THE ANGEL to go get ann...and kristy and i inched over to him to feel what he felt like.
all i can say is...it was like a cool breeze. there wasn't a way for a breeze in that room, but you could feel it on your face. and as we put our hand up to his body...our hand would become ice cold. the carpet where his robe touched...ice cold. i leaned over to give him a hug....ice cold...a chill..but not a scary chill...a holy chill. we even got brave enough to jump in the angel! haha! we'd jump in..shivering...praising god...and jump out again!
we ended up bringing in our south african tower friend shaun who was dead asleep and who couldn't stop saying 'WOW! WOW! WOW!' over and over again! the five of us stared in amazement...put on a worship cd..and watched as the wings went up and down....worshiping jesus with us in that beautiful bedroom in the middle of the night. and then...his colors started to change. he went from purple to green, to purple to green. it was so beautiful...and we all remained in total and complete awe at what we were seeing.
so after several hours...after fighting our eyes shutting...we realized it was probably time to go to bed. the angel was an angel of promise. he had appeared to ann in that very spot several years ago and told her it was time for the promises of god to come to pass in her life. and there he was again..years later...for all of us. it was our promise angel...and it was time for the promises we'd been believing for to come about....
i hope this story encourages you, ladies. god is so amazing...and he WANTS to reveal the supernatural realm to you. healing, prophesy, angels, miracles...it's your INHERITANCE! don't settle another minute for the 'ordinary' christian life. when you read the word you find...there's no such thing! there's so much more waiting for us....ALL the promises of the word are YES and AMEN!!!!
off to bed...with my angels singing over me......
love you all...
xoxo, christa | | |
| beutiful friends.
i'm in nashville for another week recording a live album with my friend jonny-o. 4 of my friends have come into town from london....and i'm swinging by my producers studio in between all of that to record 3 more tracks for my album...
needless to say...i'm swamped.
pastor supresa is in town from africa. he's seen 58 people raised from the dead under his ministry. i watched him preach last night...the fire...but not fire like i've seen before. it was joy unspeakable...the joy of a man who knows the depth of how much he's loved. i long for that. i long for all of you. i want us all to walk under the downpour of that love....abiding under the faucet.
i've been getting a lot of messages from you guys on myspace...and i'm so very sorry i haven't had time to respond. i haven't even had time to call my mother back. know that it's not rejection...that your words are too much for me or the content too heavy. know that i'm praying for you ALL to abide under the faucet...to live there.....to know the truth...
i love you alll...more than you can ever know....
xoxo, christa | | |
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